Dear employers, I will have to take the day off today because:
☐ It’s December and the streets are papier-mached with wet bronze leaves and it’s so dark outside that the cars have their headlights on at 3pm
☐ I have recently been through a breakup, or I have been through a breakup at any time in my life really, and I woke up today with the absolute conviction that I will never be loved again
☐ A dog looked at me
☐ I got a text from someone for whom I feel a mix of concern and frustration and recognition and longing that is both more and less than romance
☐ Someone made a joke about dead pets meeting you in heaven
☐ Daylight savings time
☐ I passed a knot of flowers that were so bright they glowed through the dim grey water of the day and when was anything in my life last that luminous?
☐ Girls are too pretty
☐ For the first time I genuinely comprehend that there is not enough time to have all the lives I wanted
☐ I accidentally listened to Leonard Cohen
I’m sorry I’m replying so late to your messages, lifes been pretty hectic. I just wanted to say thanks though, and I’m working through some stuff now and things seem to be getting a lot better. I want to take this opportunity to tell someone who cares that I’m really happy at the moment and I’ve met someone and I’m just, really really happy. Things are still early enough that I’m not shouting from the rooftops about it yet, but it’s killing me not to just tell everyone I speak to how good life is at the moment, so I’m telling you. I hope you’re happy too x
This guy who was my best friend kind of broke my heart and I kept writing all of these letters, I didn’t really ever intend to send them but it helped me think and figure myself out, writing them. It’s been ages now, months, since I last spoke to him and I’m still constantly thinking about it, wondering if he misses me at all or whether I really am just so annoying and difficult that the person who was supposed to always be there for me decided it was easier to walk away (again)
I think I might send him those letters.
If he cares, maybe he’ll come back, and if he doesn’t, at least I’ll know.
I don’t know.
Just needed to get it out there because there isn’t anyone I can talk about it too.